I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
