nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
