I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
