I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize