If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
