Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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