We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
