So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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