Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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