if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
