Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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