I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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