He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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