I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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