What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
