yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
