I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
