Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
