I could make wine with my vomit
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
