My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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