We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
