Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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