well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
