i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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