just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
