Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
