Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
