Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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