I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
