yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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