And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
