He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i don't like sucking hair
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
