shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
