so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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