wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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