I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
