we're blogging at a bar
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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