Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
