So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
