just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
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