Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
