you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
