Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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