I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
