I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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