U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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