Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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