I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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