I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
