wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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