i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
