I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
