Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
