We got so high we made milksteak
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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