The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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