We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Your cock deserves a montage
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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