Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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