you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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