I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize