Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
