he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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