I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
