at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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