This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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