We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
did i walk over a car last night?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
