my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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